Moments
by Adoete
Summary: What will you discover when you peek in for a moment on the Enterprise?
1. Lightbulb

_Author's note will be posted on profile._

Moments

Uhura walked into the Deck Five recreation room just as Kirk asked his question.

"Say," he said, holding up a broken antique light bulb, "how many Klingons does it take to change a light bulb?" The bridge officers looked at him, all but one with puzzlement on their faces.

"I presume you are referring to the old Terran joke as to how many law-abiding humans it takes to change a light-giving object?" asked Spock, the only one without puzzlement on his emotionless face.

"Of course," replied Kirk, "but how many _Klingons_ does it take?" The crew wondered at that. At last, Sulu gave an answer.

"I'd say, two. One to screw it in, and the other to kill him and take the credit!" He laughed.

"But what do they do with the dead bulb?" continued Kirk in that annoying way of his.

"Execute eet for failure!" the officers glanced at the tipsy Chekov, "Vhat? Zos Klingons are alvays executing somezing!" Doctor McCoy bustled over to press a hypo to the seventeen-year-old's neck.

"Vhat vos that for!" cried Chekov, rubbing the spot the hypo had hit.

"To get you a bit more sober," came the doctor's reply, "Aren't you a bit young to drink?"

"Russians are newer to young to drink!" Chekov said proudly before getting up to return to his quarters.

"Okay, getting back to the original topic, Mr. ---" Kirk was interrupted as Chekov cried out, walking into the rec room door.

"Черт дверь! Это никогда не открывает!" Chekov finally made his way out of the room.

"Okay," said Kirk again, "getting back to the original topic. Spock! How many Klingons do you think it takes to replace a dead light bulb?"

"Captain," Spock answered, "logic reasons that a Klingon would believe that a burnt out light bulb has no honor. Also, a true Klingon warrior is not afraid of the dark and, therefore, would see no need to replace the bulb." With that last comment, the crew lost their smiles.

"Fine, then. Any one have any other ideas?"

"Captain! How's this one: how many _Romulans_ does it take to change a light bulb!"

"Lieutenant Sulu, I hope you are aware of that Vulcans and Romulans have common ancestors," said Spock.

"Thank you for bringing up Vulcans, Spock!" Kirk looked happy to bother his First Officer. Spock looked, if it were possible for a Vulcan, rather irked. "How many Vulcans does it take to change a light bulb? Ha, Spock! Let's see you answer that one!"

In his trademark tone, Spock said, "Approximately one point zero zero zero, captain."

"Good god, man!" cried McCoy, astonished, "were you actually joking? I don't believe it!" Uhura glared at him.

"On the contrary, doctor," Spock said, a corner of his lips twitching, "I was merely answering a question." Only Uhura knew he was smiling.

Talk returned to chatter about the ship when suddenly, the lights in one part of the room went out.

"Red alert, red alert!" cried Kirk, believing that they had been attacked.

"Shut up, Jim! There's no attack! The lights burned out." Uhura tried to tell him.

"I thought this was the 23rd century! How can the lights burn out?"

"Well, since the lights have burned out," Uhura said sarcastically to him, "I'd assume that there _are_ light bulbs in the 23rd century."

"Lieutenant Uhura is correct, Captain," Spock said, "there are indeed light bulbs in the 23rd century. However, their appearance differs slightly from that antique one."

"Oh. Kirk to Engineering," he said on the intercom.

"_Scotty here. What can ah do for ye, Cap'n?_"

"The lights went out in the Deck Five recreation room. Please fix them." Kirk commanded.

"_I cannae do it, Cap'n! Those bulbs are dead,_" came the answer over the intercom.

"Captain," Spock said, "you are proceeding illogically."

"Yeah? How am I proceeding illogically? You want to fix the light bulbs?" Kirk replied.

"They're dead, Jim," said McCoy. Kirk looked at him. "What? You want me to fix them? Damnit, I'm a doctor, not an electrician!"

Kirk walked over to where some red-shirted security officers were sitting. "Would two of you get some new light bulbs from engineering? Thanks." They left.

Some time later, McCoy got a call from Sickbay. "_I got two security officers knocked cold. I think they were on their way to engineering,_" the voice said.

"Get Nurse Chapel to tend to them," McCoy ordered. He turned back to the rest of the group. "Well, I think those were our two boys getting the replacement light bulbs." He asked another security officer to pick up the replacements. She came back a moment later.

"I'll screw them in," offered Kirk.

"Sure, you will," said McCoy. "Among other things."

A moment later, they got another call from Scotty.

"_Wait just one moment there, Capt'n! Let me see if I got this straight… You called me in Engineering to fix a dead lightbulb. __**I **__told you that I could not fix them. __**Mr.**__**Spock**__ told you you're being illogical. __**Dr. McCoy**__ told you they're dead. I lost __**two **__perfectly fine security officers. And then __**you**__ screwed the bloody light bulbs in! Cap'n! That's six people just to change a light bulb!_" At that, Kirk's eyes lit up.

"I think we have an answer! It takes six Starfleet officers to change a lightbulb!" he yelled with triumph.

Everyone else groaned.


	2. Chicken

_Moments_

_Chapter Two_

It came about one day that Captain Kirk got another really annoying idea into his head.

"I wonder," he said as he lounged on his captain's chair on the bridge, "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

The officers on the bridge groaned. After a few months of serving under as obnoxious a captain as Kirk they knew what was coming. Only Spock seemed to be confused.

"Captain, why is a barn yard fowl crossing a thoroughfare considered humorous?"

"Ah, Spock," Kirk complained, "You don't get it! You never get it!"

"I'd assume it would be because that was the logical thing to do." Spock replied calmly.

Kirk paused, looking open-mouthed at Spock. "Why, Spock! Was that a joke? Was the non-emotional Vulcan making a joke? Wow." Kirk gazed at Spock with a mixture of awe and surprise.

"You see," Kirk said, "I had always thought the chicken wanted to boldly go where no chicken had gone before." The crew looked at him as if he were the craziest man they'd met.

"Before you guys make this into a debate," Uhura said quickly, "why don't we just ask the computer? I'm sure it knows."

"Okay, go for it." Kirk gave his permission.

"Computer," Uhura said clearly, "Why did the chicken cross the rode?"

"_Insufficient information._" Was the computer's reply.

"Fascinating," Spock stated, "We must be sure to have Mr. Scott add information to the computer's memory banks."

Kirk had his evil grin on his face again. "And, while we're at it…" he called Scotty on his communicator, "Mr. Scott, would you be so kind as to inform us as to why the chicken crossed the road?"

Scotty was in no mood for playing games. The transporters had broken down again and he had been up all night trying to figure out what was wrong with them.

"_Er, I suppose 'cos ma wee transporter bean was na functioning properly. Ah cannae work miracle, Cap'n._"

With that grumpy note from Scotty, the captain rounded on McCoy.

"Oh no, Jim," the doctor said, "I know that look on you're face. You're going to ask me. Well, I just happen to have a hyper spray right here for a vaccine of Alviran Mud Flies." Kirk shuddered at the thought of a hyper spray but continued to ask the question anyway.

"Dammit, Jim! I'm a doctor, not a farmer!" was the response.

"Fine!" Kirk said, angry that none of his crew had any sense of humor, "Why did the _Klingon_ cross the road?" The crew looked at him blankly.

"Isn't it obvious?" said a small voice. The crew looked at Sulu. He continued, "He wanted to conquer the other side." The crew glanced at Sulu once again before they burst out laughing.


	3. Random

_Moments_

_Chapter Three_

It was a normal night on the _USS Enterprise_ as the Captain walked around his ship. It was the graveyard shift so everything was quiet. Every now and then he came across a crewmember that couldn't sleep. He always liked to stop and chat at time like those. This was one of those times.

"Hiya, Bones," Krik greeted his friend, "Whatcha reading."

"Oh, this book I found: _Damn It, Jim!_" Bones replied.

"Interesting." Kirk noted with true interest. "Who wrote it?"

"Ima Doctor and Nada Bricklayer."

A little while later, Kirk came across Kevin Riley, who was navigator whenever Chekov was off duty.

"Hello, Riley, what're you reading?" Kirk asked in a genial manner.

"Hi, captain. I'm reading this crazy book called _Chekov: The Navigator_. It's really interesting." Riley told the captain.

"Wow, who's it by?" Kirk asked, "Could I borrow it?"

"Sure thing, captain! It's by I. Keptin."

Kirk was on his way to his quarters when he saw Janice Rand standing outside her door.

"Yeoman Rand," he addressed her, "why are you standing outside your door?"

"Captain!" she cried, "maybe you can help me! Some one cut a peephole in my door!"

"Is that a problem?" Kirk asked.

"Yes! It looks _in_ not _out_! People can spy on me! Captain, do something!"

"I promise you, I will look into it." Kirk said with a smile, meaning the peephole.

As Kirk continued along to his quarters, he came across McCoy again. McCoy was carrying something large away from the general direction of Scotty's door.

"Bones," Kirk asked, "What are you doing?"

"I've borrowed Mr. Scott's bagpipes." McCoy answered truthfully.

"But, Bones, you can't play them!" Kirk laughed.

"Yeah, but while I got them, neither can he!"


End file.
